MadMax wrote:Doesn't have the range darling, doesn't have the range.
Yes, that would be one. And a very recent one at that
So let me explain....
I don't know if any of you are familar with two comedians called Matt Lucas and David Walliams. They are known mainly for the insane comedy series Little Britain. Well, before that they did a lesser seen show called Rock Profiles. I'm a huge fan. Basically sent up various singers/bands by dressing up and playing the parts in a mock interview. Insane stuff. One of the interviews was Shirley Bassey and Tom Jones (scroll down the page a bit to read the show segement)
So, imagine Matt Lucas as Shirley Bassey, doing this insane over the top impersonation, with his main catchphrase "Hasn't got the range darling.. hasn't got the range" When talking about anyone or anything. Actions thrown in. Dramatic hand movements, toss of the head... you get the picture.
Cut to my local supermarket on a busy Saturday morning. Every man and his dog there.
Cut to me, wandering the isles. Shopping. As one does.
My trolley was pretty full, but I was wandering back and forth up the isles trying to find the things I needed. And kept noticing I was getting some strange looks from people. "Humpf" I thought. 'They should stop staring.' And I glared back at them. I checked my hair was ok and my skirt was not tucked into my knickers and all the usual things one does when one gets long looks from men, women and children. All was in order. Or so I thought....
Realisation finally dawned on me when I got to the pasta sauce section. I finally heard what every other man, woman and kiddie passing me had been hearing the last thirty minutes or so. I was mortified. And stopped in mid sentence as this elderly woman gave me a sad knowing look, over the boil in the bag rice section that seemed to say 'And I thought I had problems'.
Yours truly had spent the entire flipping trip round the supermarket in full Matt Lucas doing Shirley Bassey OTT impersonation mode. I realised I started off fairly quiet, in the fruit and veg section as they had most of the things I wanted. But further into the store things got worse. I had begun muttering to myself "Morrisons (name of the store btw) hasn't got the range darling, hasn't got the range" while browsing the sweetcorn and tuna. And the coffee. And fresh meats. And to make matters worse I had been getting louder as I was going. All the way throught the deli counter and the cakes. Once I knew what I was doing, I could actually then recall saying it all. But until that point, was clueless. If that makes sense to anyone
"Morrisons, hasn't got the range darling, hasn't got the range' while tsking about how crap the store was.
Honestly, it was one of those beetroot run screaming in shame moments.
And yes, I do this sort of thing day in, day out in my life. I kid you not.