Most Embarrassing Moment

Everything else you can poke a stick at. And then some.
Sherry
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Postby Sherry » Fri Oct 14, 2005 10:11 pm

MadMax wrote:Doesn't have the range darling, doesn't have the range.


O dear :oops:

Yes, that would be one. And a very recent one at that :shock:

So let me explain....

I don't know if any of you are familar with two comedians called Matt Lucas and David Walliams. They are known mainly for the insane comedy series Little Britain. Well, before that they did a lesser seen show called Rock Profiles. I'm a huge fan. Basically sent up various singers/bands by dressing up and playing the parts in a mock interview. Insane stuff. One of the interviews was Shirley Bassey and Tom Jones (scroll down the page a bit to read the show segement)

So, imagine Matt Lucas as Shirley Bassey, doing this insane over the top impersonation, with his main catchphrase "Hasn't got the range darling.. hasn't got the range" When talking about anyone or anything. Actions thrown in. Dramatic hand movements, toss of the head... you get the picture.

Image

Cut to my local supermarket on a busy Saturday morning. Every man and his dog there.

Cut to me, wandering the isles. Shopping. As one does.

My trolley was pretty full, but I was wandering back and forth up the isles trying to find the things I needed. And kept noticing I was getting some strange looks from people. "Humpf" I thought. 'They should stop staring.' And I glared back at them. I checked my hair was ok and my skirt was not tucked into my knickers and all the usual things one does when one gets long looks from men, women and children. All was in order. Or so I thought....

Realisation finally dawned on me when I got to the pasta sauce section. I finally heard what every other man, woman and kiddie passing me had been hearing the last thirty minutes or so. I was mortified. And stopped in mid sentence as this elderly woman gave me a sad knowing look, over the boil in the bag rice section that seemed to say 'And I thought I had problems'.

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Yours truly had spent the entire flipping trip round the supermarket in full Matt Lucas doing Shirley Bassey OTT impersonation mode. I realised I started off fairly quiet, in the fruit and veg section as they had most of the things I wanted. But further into the store things got worse. I had begun muttering to myself "Morrisons (name of the store btw) hasn't got the range darling, hasn't got the range" while browsing the sweetcorn and tuna. And the coffee. And fresh meats. And to make matters worse I had been getting louder as I was going. All the way throught the deli counter and the cakes. Once I knew what I was doing, I could actually then recall saying it all. But until that point, was clueless. If that makes sense to anyone :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

"Morrisons, hasn't got the range darling, hasn't got the range' while tsking about how crap the store was.

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Honestly, it was one of those beetroot run screaming in shame moments.

And yes, I do this sort of thing day in, day out in my life. I kid you not.
Last edited by Sherry on Sun Oct 16, 2005 11:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Gayle
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Postby Gayle » Fri Oct 14, 2005 10:20 pm

SHERRY, YOU WIN
4 out of 3 people have difficulty with fractions.

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Andria
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Postby Andria » Sat Oct 15, 2005 12:33 am

Yep, yep - Sherry is the winner!

And what do we have for her? Prize suggestions?
I'll take your body and cover it with honey, then stick some money to the honey, now you're covered in money, honey. -FotC

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Gayle
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Postby Gayle » Sat Oct 15, 2005 2:49 am

Hmmmm... a lifetime of guilt free, full out, stare inducing, gasp provoking, asylum taunting, unabashed, talking to herself! She's earned it. :lol:
4 out of 3 people have difficulty with fractions.

Fluffyblonde

Postby Fluffyblonde » Sat Oct 15, 2005 3:18 am

Gayle wrote:Hmmmm... a lifetime of guilt free, full out, stare inducing, gasp provoking, asylum taunting, unabashed, talking to herself! She's earned it. :lol:


Please explain what you mean...

Sherry
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Postby Sherry » Sat Oct 15, 2005 9:39 am

Gayle wrote:SHERRY, YOU WIN


:shock:

*Sniff* Awwww so kind of you all.

You lot were all recounting embarrassing situations, I'm the out and out 'cart me off O men in white coats' embarrasing. My life is like that most every day. I just have this inate ability for doing the weird, wonderful and absurd. Shame it has to happen in the middle of the supermarket. But hey, it beats singing BeeGees Staying Alive and disco dancing down the isles. That was a whole other shopping experience I need to live down.....

Fluffyblonde

Postby Fluffyblonde » Sat Oct 15, 2005 4:22 pm

Sherry wrote: [
it beats singing BeeGees Staying Alive and disco dancing down the isles.


You mean I'm not the only one who does that? :shock:

Sherry
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Postby Sherry » Sat Oct 15, 2005 9:42 pm

Fluffyblonde wrote:
Sherry wrote: [
it beats singing BeeGees Staying Alive and disco dancing down the isles.


You mean I'm not the only one who does that? :shock:


You are not alone. Wait till you see me do my disco diva twirl! :shock:

Sherry
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Hehe

Postby Sherry » Thu Oct 20, 2005 9:27 am

I think I found a shopping trip to out-embarrass me completly. And as I was not the lady in question in this story (nb: if proof is needed, I am not Welsh nor have I ever set foot near Swansea, I was 34 at the time this story ran, would never do my grocery shopping at Asda and most importanly, would never shop for such items at the somewhat unclassy Ann Summers :shock: If nothing else, I am a classy bird with good taste :hello:

Erm, anyway, here is the story. Maybe it should come with a health warning. Erm, make of that last line what you will once you have read said story :roll2:

NOTE - This link is of a somewhat intimate nature. Click if you are an adult, preferably with a sense of humour and an open mind :shock:

Article in El Reg

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MadMax
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Postby MadMax » Thu Oct 20, 2005 10:16 am

In my last year of primary school (I would have been 11) I was picked for the district football (Australian Rules Football) team. It meant training a couple of nights each week, and we got to travel out to the country (we went over to Ardrossan on the Yorke Peninsula) to play a heap of country teams.

Well, one day during the year it was daffodil day. We'd spent the day collecting and raising money for cancer. I was fortunate ( :? ) enough to have my mother teaching at the same school that I went to, and throughout the day she had been painting daffodils on people's faces for 50 cents.

Well, I had one on each cheek.

So, it came to the end of the day, and I forgot they were there as I wandered off to football training...

:oops: :oops: :oops:

Do you think there was any chance that 21 twelve-year old boys would let chubby little me live that down? :oops:

Hence the nickname Daffy.
"..you can't take the sky from me.."

imapotato
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Postby imapotato » Thu Oct 20, 2005 2:15 pm

hmmmm

well I am too sick to go into a whole buildup which would instantly put the whole scenerio into slapstick imagination into your minds eye

BUT

couple of years ago, before something quite important IIRC, had a business suit on, had to take a pee

Well for something I have done for 26 years prior, the ole whip out and pee technique failed me....it got stuck, and I peed a moderate amount into my pants...oh brother

So first I ran into a stall (this was a slightly busy lavatory) and tried to wipe it...but that resulted in little wet tissue balls over my pants. So when there was no one left...I went to turn on the air blower and pointed it right on my crotch....imagine my hips bucked upwards one leg slightly higher to get the most air on that part

Now imagine you were the man I was having a meeting walking in on that

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Gayle
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Re: Hehe

Postby Gayle » Thu Oct 20, 2005 2:16 pm

Sherry wrote:I think I found a shopping trip to out-embarrass me completly. And as I was not the lady in question in this story (nb: if proof is needed, I am not Welsh nor have I ever set foot near Swansea, I was 34 at the time this story ran, would never do my grocery shopping at Asda and most importanly, would never shop for such items at the somewhat unclassy Ann Summers :shock: If nothing else, I am a classy bird with good taste :hello:

Erm, anyway, here is the story. Maybe it should come with a health warning. Erm, make of that last line what you will once you have read said story :roll2:

NOTE - This link is of a somewhat intimate nature. Click if you are an adult, preferably with a sense of humour and an open mind :shock:

Article in El Reg



Can't... breath.... laughing..... too... hard........ BAHAHHAHAHABABAAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA
4 out of 3 people have difficulty with fractions.

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Kate
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Postby Kate » Thu Oct 20, 2005 2:45 pm

imapotato wrote:hmmmm

well I am too sick to go into a whole buildup which would instantly put the whole scenerio into slapstick imagination into your minds eye

BUT

couple of years ago, before something quite important IIRC, had a business suit on, had to take a pee

Well for something I have done for 26 years prior, the ole whip out and pee technique failed me....it got stuck, and I peed a moderate amount into my pants...oh brother

So first I ran into a stall (this was a slightly busy lavatory) and tried to wipe it...but that resulted in little wet tissue balls over my pants. So when there was no one left...I went to turn on the air blower and pointed it right on my crotch....imagine my hips bucked upwards one leg slightly higher to get the most air on that part

Now imagine you were the man I was having a meeting walking in on that


I feel your pain, dear boy....

I was just about to tell impotato his was really embarrassing, until I read Sherry's article.

There are just no words to express how embarrassing that must have been. I'm embarrassed for having read it! :oops:

The things some people will do -- or attempt to do -- in a public place! :roll2:

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dan
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Postby dan » Sat Nov 11, 2006 6:32 am

I thought I would resurrect a very old thread just to share with you, a moment that still makes me cringe whenever I think of it, though I can laugh about it now.

A couple of years ago, during the Uni summer holidays I was working in Christchurch, doing the best job I think I've ever had. (Not that most of my jobs have been anything special).

I was working as a punter on the beautiful Avon River, taking passengers up through the Botanic Gardens and enjoying the sunshine.

I was nervous that at some point I might fall in water (it happens to most punters at some point) but I never did - I did something far worse.

Picture this: I'm cruising downstream back towards the boatsheds where the trips begin and end. The sun is shining, the birds are singing. It's a weekday and there's not much foot traffic on the banks (fortunate as it turned out!). In the punt is a young Japanese couple on honeymoon, they're just relaxing and enjoying the ride as I try to impress them with my limited Japanese. I'm smiling, happy, confident, as I push the end of the pole against the river bed and propel us effortlessly along. I throw the pole up from hand to hand before pushing off again.

Then it happens, I throw the pole up casually with my right hand - and it doesn't stick. My left hand clutches wildly at thin air and I watch in helpless horror, as the 4 metre long solid wood punting pole, falls from considerable height onto the head of the young Japanese woman. Never have I wanted so much to disapear.

First there was the cry of pain and surprise as the tranquility of her boat ride was shattered - then came the tears, though she tried hard to fight them back. The lump on her head was painful to look at.

Needless to say, we got her an ice pack and a full refund back at the sheds. I had to turn around and do another trip straight away, with another couple who had fortunately not wittnessed my recent mishap.

I would like to finish up by saying that if you ever go to Christchurch, punting is an activity I would wholeheartedly recomend. Please don't let this story put you off. After all, I don't work there any more and none of the current crop of punters have such blemishes on their records
what a hilarious misunderstanding...

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indigo_jones
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Postby indigo_jones » Sat Nov 11, 2006 6:23 pm

Ouch!

That's for both the woman and you! Still, it all does sound incredibly tranquil and lovely if you can avoid large poles.
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