Names names names

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Emafer

Re: Names names names

Postby Emafer » Sun Jan 24, 2010 2:08 am

Does your mother and her siblings understand or read Japanese. It's so sad when I hear of families who lose that because it was more important to them to culturally fit in. Granted being Japanese in the US during WWII was probably one of those times where being "more American" made a HUGE difference in their way of life. It just makes me sad that so much wasn't passed down to future generations.

I feel very fortunate that despite social bias that my family preserved and passed down a LOT of their cultural heritage. I know that we've lived in the US for a good while now but it's funny how Irish we are in personality.

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jillbean
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Re: Names names names

Postby jillbean » Sun Jan 24, 2010 4:41 am

My grandparents can both speak and read a little but passed little to none of it down to my mom and her siblings. We do a traditional New Year's Day celebration meal and there are some pieces of heritage that have stuck with us but it is regretful to think how much we probably have not retained.

My husband's family is all about being Irish though after visiting Ireland (my first and so far, only, trip outside the States-I LOVED, loved, loved it!) I think they are more about being Irish-American. There is one aunt that has researched the history of the family name and location of origin; her daughter has taken this to the form of having done the same for her [now married] last name and even puts the coat of arms on personalized postage stamps!

There are times I miss my maiden name, I was surprised I had a hard time giving it up when the time came-I'd had it for over 30 years at that point! Mostly I was annoyed with all the paperwork; it was like doing all the work with identity theft and not recovering any money.

On a related tangent; with my maiden name the name my parents wanted to give me had to become my middle name because my initials would have otherwise been VD. ha!

Emafer

Re: Names names names

Postby Emafer » Sun Jan 24, 2010 5:15 am

That's too bad :( But at least you have the bit that you have.

Ireland is amazing. Both side of my family have totally done all the research and have the coat of arms and all that. And know our genealogy. They have met our cousins over there and those that Emigrated to England and Canada as well.

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Re: Names names names

Postby biscuit » Sun Jan 24, 2010 12:11 pm

It's interesting to read about the connection between family name and identity:)

I too have a family name altered by the war. My great grandfather was an Italian missionary who met my Norwegian great grandmother in China sometime around 1900. They married and had two sons. My great grandmother did not give up her maiden name, but added her husband's with a hyphen. She must have been a very modern woman:) Both their sons got the hyphenated name. (Bjørgum-Argento) The whole family moved to Norway, where at the start of WW2 my grandfather decided to let go of the Italian part of the name, because of the Italian involvement on German side. My great uncle kept his. He was a stubborn man. :lol: As I grew older and learned about the family history I wanted to take back the Italian name, but Norwegian law prevented me because my dad had never had the name. I was disappointed because I knew that my great uncle, who was like a grandfather to me (my real grandfather having died when I was very little), had no kids and the name would disappear when he died. :(

I took my husband's name when we married. I was 22 and expecting our first baby, and all I though about was how I wanted us all to have the same surname. I still miss my maiden name, and had I married today I am pretty sure I would have kept it. We originally had a deal that if I was able to recover the Italian family name, we would all take that, but when they changed the law and I was allowed to change my name back he chickened out :roll: His family felt really strongly about it because at the time he was the only son with a male heir carrying the name and they were worried that their name would die out. I can relate! But I thought it was weak of him to take their side when I had been willing to give up my own name to begin with... Since then his brother has had a son, so maybe I could ask him again. On the other hand our children are getting older and they may feel strange about suddenly going by another name. :P

I would still want to, but even if I don't I take comfort in the fact that my youngest brother changed his name back and passed it on to his little girl, so the name lives on :D
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Re: Names names names

Postby Sherry » Sun Jan 24, 2010 4:42 pm

I kept my surname when I married Max. I like it, didn't want to take his. And he was more than happy I keep it as he likes it too :)

I really felt that I didn't need to become Mrs M**** and take on his name. I love him, we married, planned to have children but neither of us felt that changing my surname was a done deal. And my family never questioned it and have no problem. Nor does his. Although they do tend to send cards and letters to Mr and Mrs M**** which is fine. I kind of expect invites and letters to us both from his family or for formal invitations to be that way.

It never occurred to me to want to change my surname when marrying. I know some (many?) view it as you make that commitment to a person when you marry them etc so of course taking the husbands surname is a given. And lots seem to think its a legal thing. But fact of it is is there is no legal requirement to do so. It is simply a fashion that became popular not that long ago. Until far more recent times women kept their surname when they married. I'm me, I don't want to fundamentally change who I am because I married someone, so why would I want to change my name either is my way of thinking. Its part of me. I don't love Max any less because I don't have his surname nor do I feel awkward or weird when giving my surname.

We gave the boy both our surnames on his birth certificate. But in day to day life we only use Daniel's surname for him. Its not been a problem so far at all. When he is older he can decide for himself what surname he wishes to use, or use both of them. We've left it to him to make the choice. The only thing is that on his birth certificate and his passport it will be his full name/surname name but he doesn't have to sign his signature in full. A signature is a signature. Mine isn't close to being an word, its 4 letters and the rest is a squiggle :lol:

Mind you, saying that I don't wear a wedding ring either. Neither does Max. We talked about it before we married and again, neither of us felt the need. We are together, but also our own people, with our own identities is how we view all that stuff. Its not for everyone but it works for us.

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eejm
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Re: Names names names

Postby eejm » Sun Jan 24, 2010 7:26 pm

Mr. eejm and I made a deal when we got married. It was very important for him that I take his name. We were 23 and 21 when we got married, and he was still fairly traditional (in that sense, not on general gender roles) at the time. I doubt if he'd have cared now. Anyway, he made the point of having the same name with our possible future children as well. I was cool with it. My maiden name was fine, but I had no particular attachment to it. My brother had just gotten married and I figured he'd have children to carry it on (he has). It wasn't a big deal for me to change it.

However - it was very important to me for Mr. eejm to wear a wedding ring. He was hesitant about it because he works with computers and thought he'd get it stuck on something. He'd also never worn a ring before and didn't think he could get used to. So, I agreed to change my name if he always wore a wedding ring. 12.5 years later and he's still wearing a ring, I still have a married name. :D

I've never gone by Mrs., though. In the rare cases where I need a title, I always choose Ms. The idea that a woman's title depends on her marital status but a man's does not makes no sense to me.

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Re: Names names names

Postby SheWolf » Sun Jan 24, 2010 8:03 pm

I have no emotional attachment to my name so should I get married I doubt it would matter either way to me to change it. I don't imagine changing it would make me feel less me. It would depend on the name I think. I wouldn't have a problem changing it unless his surname was something awful. :lol: I don't really have any emotional or sentimental attachment to things or symbols or traditions either so I never thought I wanted a ring. I hate wearing rings anyway. More important to me would be to always refer to each other by our first names rather than as "my husband" or "my wife".
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Re: Names names names

Postby Sherry » Sun Jan 24, 2010 8:43 pm

We were married over a year before Max referred to me as 'my wife' to someone. I was quite shocked when I heard him say it. He doesn't say it often though, but it sure sounds strange when I hear it being said. I'm like "Who? O me" :shock: :lol: :oops:

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Red
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Re: Names names names

Postby Red » Sun Jan 24, 2010 8:51 pm

I never liked my maiden name so I was excited to change it when we got married. I have a much better last name now. It didn't factor into my decision at all, but I think a lot of people in his family would have taken it personally if I had not changed my name. They are big into family history and carrying on the name so it would have been an insult to them. My family couldn't care less about last names though.

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SheWolf
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Re: Names names names

Postby SheWolf » Sun Jan 24, 2010 8:57 pm

Sherry wrote:We were married over a year before Max referred to me as 'my wife' to someone. I was quite shocked when I heard him say it. He doesn't say it often though, but it sure sounds strange when I hear it being said. I'm like "Who? O me" :shock: :lol: :oops:
Haha. I think being referred to as a "wife" would make me feel like an old fuddy duddy wearing an apron. :lol:
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Peaches
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Re: Names names names

Postby Peaches » Sun Jan 24, 2010 11:02 pm

Sorry I'm late to the party...but come on...the name Dana...who doesn't instantly think...

"THERE IS NO DANA, ONLY ZUUL!!"

:lol:

Just me? :oops:
"Item 4 on the agenda: Stuff you!"

"Who else? Mur.. Ray... Oh. Greg's written this, he's put the R's too far apart. It's Murray.. Murray present"


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Red
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Re: Names names names

Postby Red » Sun Jan 24, 2010 11:12 pm

Not just you, Peaches! :roll2:

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SheWolf
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Re: Names names names

Postby SheWolf » Mon Jan 25, 2010 12:14 am

Peaches wrote:Sorry I'm late to the party...but come on...the name Dana...who doesn't instantly think...

"THERE IS NO DANA, ONLY ZUUL!!"

:lol:

Just me? :oops:


Err... yeah, I don't know what you're talking about.
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Red
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Re: Names names names

Postby Red » Mon Jan 25, 2010 12:17 am

Ghostbusters! Dana was Sigourney Weaver's character.

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Peaches
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Re: Names names names

Postby Peaches » Mon Jan 25, 2010 1:02 am

You've never seen Ghostbusters!? Shame on you!
"Item 4 on the agenda: Stuff you!"

"Who else? Mur.. Ray... Oh. Greg's written this, he's put the R's too far apart. It's Murray.. Murray present"


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