BBC radio series CD

Conchords news, chit chat, waffle and conversation. Also convo about Bret and Jemaine in Conchords mode
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BBC radio series CD

Postby Sherry » Mon Apr 24, 2006 12:39 pm

If you happen to be reading this post, its for review purposes on the main site. Taken from the show breakdowns over the past months.



Flight of The Conchords BBC radio series. A bit of a review and show breakdown episode by episode using some words and pictures.

Part 1:The Conchords suffer a setback when Bret has an accident at The Tower of London. Their first UK gig is in jeopardy.... can Neil Finn save the day?

Cast list
Bret McKenzie - himself
Jemaine Clement - himself
Rhys Darby - Brian Nesbitt (manager)
Neil Finn - himself
Andy Parsons - Andrew (Pub owner/manager of the Pig and Whistle)
Rob Brydon - narrator

A bit about Rob Brydon. Narrator. Official Rob Brydon site Tells you more about the man than I ever could :lol:
BBC Blurb on Rob Brydon Yes, this is a picture of him.


A bit about Rhys Darby as Brian Nesbitt, Manager. "He manages. He just manages".


Rhys Darby has been described as New Zealand's most physical comedian. His sensational blend of sound effects, characterisation and askew observation has been reducing audiences nationwide to a state of bewildered hysteria. He continues to blur the boundaries between stand-up comedy and theatre as he becomes every character in his dialogue and can include any amount of song and dance into his performance. Rhys gigs regularly at The Classic as well as many other venues around the city as a pro act, MC and a professional dancer.

Some links to stuff on Rhys

Rhys Darby official site
Chortle BBC Rhys Darby Fringe 2004 Q&A

A bit about Andy Parsons
A bit more about Andy
He's actually performed in New Zealand. And in the same comedy gala as the guys. He stresses his words a lot. And is bald. I am not sure if this is by choice. I've never met him to ask.


And last but not least Neil Finn Other links died, I wanted to include the NilFun site, but nothing doing.

And onto the show.

Songs featured in part 1 are Think About It, Think Think About It and Frodo.

What is it about? Good question. Two guys and their manager trying to make it in the UK folk parody scene. And how they almost don't. Brian is their hapless manager. Band meetings are frequent.

The show was captured mainly on mini disc in and around London over the summer of 2005. For the first part the guys took in some sights. Big Ben, the Tower of London and most important of all....Chiswick roundabout. It has the M4 motorway flyover overhead. I've actually driven into London via this exact route many a time. Who knew that one day Brian would stand there in awe. With Bret and Jemaine, who were bored.

To think this


would one day turn into this


Number 7 on the map below incase you are wondering.


And a great site about the sites of the North Circular ring road. Alas the JamCam for the roundabout is not working. But who knows, one day it may be live again and you can all tune in. Check out the JamCam from time to time and who knows 8)

Bits I love from the show

Brian confirming the booking for an open mike night and asking how much they will be getting paid.

The Rolf Harris stuff

The band meetings. Brian is priceless during these.

The Chiswick roundabout scene (see above)

The whole Lord Of The Rings segement. About how they sent in their song and a letter telling Peter Jackson to use their song in his film about the wizard and the Oompa loompahs.

Lines/quotes from the show

Bret - "Were from New Zealand"
Audience - "Baaaaa"

Bret - "Were following in the footsteps of you know the likes of Dame Kiri Te Kanawa"
Jemaine - "Sir Edmund Hillary"
Bret - "Neil Finn"
Jemaine - "Rolf Harris"
Bret "Australian"
Jemaine "Is he?"
Bret "Yeah"

Bret - "Were not as good as Rolf Harris but uh.."
Jemaine - "Its basically going to be like two Rolf Harris's"
Bret "You know thats gonna cause a bit of a stir"
Jemaine "Its what Brian says when he rings people up - 'Imagine, Rolf Harris times two"

Jemaine "As a manager, Brian...umm.."
Bret "He manages"
Jemaine "He just manages"

Jemaine "Well the gig, you know, it was a foot in the door in Britain. It wasn't about the money, cause we were only paid....nothing. So theres room for improvement."
Bret "Yeah but nothing in pounds"
Jemaine "Hmm"
Bret "So the exchange rate in the New Zealand dollar, you know, were doing ok"

Part 2: The Conchords are in York supporting 'Dan & The Panda' and Bret has a problem with his body image.... can Neil Finn save the day?

Guest cast list in this episode

Dan (and the Panda) - Daniel Kitson
Tim/Bernard - Dan Antalpoloski
Female fan - Nina Conti
Male fan - Jimmy Carr

Rob Brydon. Narrator. His best bit this week for me included

"In their dressing room the guys are taken aside by the headliner and given a motivational pep talk"- just between the urianals and the hand dryer"

A bit about [b]Daniel Kitson. Chuffing hell! [/b]


Now I have to admit I don't know much about Kitson. He won the Perrier award at the Edinburgh Fringe back in 2002. And he shares the same management in the UK as the Conchords. Might explain how his working on the show came about maybe? Or the guys might of just ran into him one day and asked him if he wanted to stick his hand up a stuffed panda :shock: Chortle rewiew on Kitson

And I bet you were thinking Dan and the Panda do not really exist. What with it being a (partly) fictional radio show and all that. Well ladies and gentlemen, I have proof they do....

Dan and the Panda


A bit about Dan Antopolski


Read about him over at Chortle When I head the show for the first time I could not place who this actor/comedian was. I did a bit of digging and came up with this
Can watch an interview with the man on this page

Dan performed at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival Gala back in 2003. FoThe C performed there also that year. The plot thickens. And woo they won an award. Has also performed at the Edinburgh Fringe over the years. Maybe he ran into the guys there. Or perhaps Bernard did :P

A bit about Jimmy Carr


He has an official site and Chortle has this to say on him.

I am not a fan of the man. I don't know why. Maybe its because his hair annoys me. Its just :doh: He needs to make an appointment and get it cut properly. Or maybe its because whenever I see his smug face peering at me from the TV I am half asleep and just want to grab his cheeks and shake them. And I mean his facial ones. Not the ones he sits on :shock: Anyway, he redeemed himself. Just enough for me to stop wanting to grab his chops.
'Howso?' you ask.
'Top Gear' I say!
'Top Gear?'
'Yes. A Star In A Reasonably Priced Car.'

Jimmy, until Ellen MacArthur beat him, topped the chart :lol: If you have no idea what I am talking about, go visit the Top Gearsite and have a read. And then go watch Jimmy's lap Its at the bottom of the page. You should be able to find it :lol:

Jimmy Carr also shares the same management company in UK. Are you seeing a pattern here?

And onto the show.

Songs featured in part 2 - Bowie, HipHopopotamus v Rhymenoscerous, Bret You Got It Going On!

In Dan and the Panda territory this week. York. Home of the York National Railway Museum. See map below.


The Yorkshire Railway Museum needs some coverage. So I am sending you here for a 360 tour It was a pivotal part of this weeks show after all. Well, Tim was. Actually, no, it was Bernard, who was Tim, only he was pretending to be Bernard when he came up with the CD deal for the band.

Bits I love from the show

When Tim tells the guys he likes the whole rural Kiwi idiots act. Then he asks where they are from, London based? They answer New Zealand.

Jemaine talking about Bowie crossing over from novelty music to serious stuff, seriously, and then Bret does the whole off with the faries thing telling about Bowie singing about being in space. And living in space back in the 70's. The dialogue between them both is priceless. The whole reality from fantasy thing.

Brian's brilliant calling to Branson at Virgin Records and looking for a CD deal. 2 for £10. Slowly dawns that he is talking to a Virgin megastore.

I still think Bret should say "Bye Mum", at the start of HipHop, as the intro phone call winds up. The radio/studio version of that song is heavy with little touches they can't do live. And it has the glockenspiel :D

The whole phone conversation between Brian and Bernard

Jemaine's song for cheering Bret up.

The detail in narration about the hotel mini bar and towels.

Jemaine talking the band *out* of a record deal. And not being about the merchandise, more about the music. Priceless.

Lines/quotes from the show

Brian - "Which track do you like best?"
Bernard - "Er, the second one"

"Please sign them" - Brian says to Bernard

Jemaine - "Actually, I've written a song, to cheer you up Bret"
Bret - "For me?"
Jemaine - "Yeah......I hope this isn't, too er, too gay to write your mate a song"
Bret - "Seems a bit gay... yeah"

And one classic song is then sung.

Brian calling Neil Finn - "Hi Neil, umm, sorry, I think my phone, accidentally, rang you!"

Part 3: The Conchords enter the danger zone when their fanbase proposition them after a concert. What should they do and.... can Neil Finn save the day?

Guest cast list
Jimmy Carr - Kipper
Nina Conti - Tracy

Rob Brydon. Narrator. His best bits this week for me included

"With the show over, Jemaine and Bret take a well earned break outside the venue, on the orange dinosaur slide"

Just love the detail and the setting of the scene.

"Their musical well is dry, and the bucket has fallen off, spilling nothing but song dust"

The whole Neil Finn intro. Priceless. Especially after Bret's exclaimation of 'Thats illegal!"

A bit about Nina Conti


I wonder does she know she has two heads. And that the one on the left needs a shave.

Nina's official site has more of this ongoing monkey fetish :shock: I wonder if she has heard of fun monkey disease :shock:

And onto the show

Songs featured in part 3 - Jenny, Fudafafa, Something Special For The Ladies and A Kiss Is Not A Contract.

Opportunity has come knocking. The guys have a breakthrough with a high profile lunchtime gig at Potatoholic. Where potatos come first :shock: I'd better move swiftly on before someone mentions the bed of lettuce and the saucy dip for my nibbles :waggle:

The guys also visit Uxbridge. Quite handy for the Royal Albert Hall apparently. Only a 155 minute walk. Honest. Go read more HERE if you don't believe me. And there is a 'Fig Gig' listed. How did they know? Spooky :what: Thats Uxbridge, Middlesex, not to be confused with Uxbridge, Ontario. Mind you, it being 'Middlesex' might explain the threesome storyline. Or not.

Anyways... just so you know where it is


Bits I love from the show

Jemaine signing up for his own fan club list. Brian deleting it on a daily basis.

The whole bull storyline with Trevor.

Jemaine's unbelieving tone about them being won as a prize by the two fans.

Bret, after having said the two fans are 'pretty weird' is then happy to sell out for a plate of Macaroni Cheese.


Jemaine is sated by anything with chicken.

Bret mistaking the description of a threesome for food. Dessert. He obviously likes his food does our Bret. Jemaine being so polite to Tracy and thanking her for offering them a threesome before making a quick exit.

Lines/quotes from the show

Jemaine sneezes
Bret "Do you have a cat? Jemaine is allergic to cats."
Tracy "Jemaine's allergic to Jemaine! Isn't that ironic"
Bret "O you called the cat Jemaine?"
"Yeah we called him Jemaine. I'll introduce him to you"
Bret "Do you always make him wear the glasses?"
Kipper "Not always, just we knew you were coming over and we had...."
Bret "He does actually look like Jemaine"

Jemaine, with a slightly quavering voice (telling Brian of the offered threesome) "It was one of the most awkward experiences I've ever had in my life"

The line at the end of the song, A Kiss Is Not A Contract sung at their next live gig,
*singing* Were only two men ladies
Jemaine feels the need to clarify for all there
"There is a lyric there at the end of the song. 'Were only two men ladies' Its, 'Were only two men comma ladies"

Brian's best bits

As the Taranaki Tavern features a fair bit in this weeks episode, I thought I should throw in a few snippets of reading matter for you. The Tourist Site for Taranaki Now the tavern itself appears to be a fictional creation. However, I found a tavern for sale in Taranaki. I feel that Brian's beloved tavern might look something like this tavern It even mentions about cows "The land that slopes down to the sea all along the western slopes of Mt Egmont has a long history of dairy farming."

"You've shot it"

"Hello Trevor...." Said with such a gentle resigned tone. Brilliant.

And cause I can't be arsed to type all the lines out again, here are a couple of short clips of the bull segment

Clip 1

Clip 2

Part 4: The Conchords are asked to write a pop song for teen sensation Whambi. Uber agent Josh Duchee hates what they come up with but... can Neil Finn save the day?

Guest cast list

Greg Proops - Josh Duchee
Emma Kennedy - Pie shop employee (and potential scope for future Mrs Bret McKenzie)

Rob Brydon. Narrator. His best bits this week for me included

His description of Josh Duchee and his coffee tankard.

Ummm there were some other bits, but my brain is too fried to type them out :que:

A bit about Greg Proops


Greg Proops. The man with *that* voice* and biting wit. And that face. Not to be confused with either Buddy Holly or Harold Ramis, according to IMDb. And who, for some strange reason I swore was a red head. And I had to go check out old pics online to discover that his barnet is infact brown. However, I prefer to call it reddish brown and console myself I was not totally wrong, but partly right :purple:

Greg has an official site. The guys had been lined up to appear on his show back awhiles, when the HBO show and the other chat shows aired, but were cancelled for reasons I do not know.

Greg also performs at the Edinburgh Fringe, so chances are he had heard about or stumbled across the guys there in previous years. Its a small world after all :lol:

And don't you think Jemaine might of stolen his style of glasses from Greg eh? Dontcha? I'll allow you Jemaine admirers five minutes to go study pics up close of Jemaine to compare ok :lol:

A bit about Emma Kennedy


Emma has her own website and blog. Back in June 2005 she wrote a blog entry detailing her part in the radio show. Can read it here. There is also this Stage interview online.

Bret had the hots for her. At least it appears that way in part 4. Maybe not for her, but for her pies :eyebrow: His love of food knows no bounds perhaps :lol: Maybe this ad for pies gave Bret ideas :waggle:
I never envisioned eating pies as being this potentially hot and umm dare I say yummy and full filling? :eyebrow:


And onto the show

Songs featured in part 4 - Business Time (a funky studio version), Nearly A Woman

The guys hard work and high standards of personal hygiene are not paying off. A band meeting is called. The guys also visited Hammersmith and were around Charing Cross this week for a meeting. To give you an idea of where abouts this is, I found this map.


And here it is, in all its glory, although no sign of the coffee cart there when this pic was taken.


And the guys were bamboozled by a coffee. And we got a glimpse of their song writing in action. Class 8)

Now, on to pies. Important things are pies. Us Brits eat masses of them. Steak & kidney and chicken & mushroom being the main ones. Thick crusty pastry and a hot meat (yes, a real chunk can be found in there somewhere) filling.



But it was not either of those pies Bret came back with for the guys. O no, it was the Christmas staple, the pie of pies, the Mince Pie!


And to top off the pie theme this week. Weebl and Bob have something to say about pie. PIE! (Flash and sound needed)

Bits I love from the show

The discussion between Brian and Jemaine about the difference between tea and soup.

The pie conversations between Brian, Jemaine and Bret.

Josh Duchee's pitch to Brian. Its priceless. And everything else Josh says. Shallow, self centered, shameless and soul sapping and insensitive.

Jemaine's attempt to seal the deal with a spit and a handshake. His spitting attempt was priceless.

Lines/quotes from the show

Brian "How are you guys feeling?"
Jemaine "Umm hungry"
Brian "Well, drink your soup"
Jemaine "Its not soup Brian, its tea.
Brian "Its not, its soup.
Jemaine "Its tea"
Brian "Get into it, its soup!"
Jemaine "Its tea! I can tell tea"
Brian "Its a light soup. And its got croutons in it"
Jemaine "Its tea with little bits of stale bread crusts in it"
Brian "I know what croutons are Jemaine. Now finish it, its good for you."

Brian to Bret (who offered to go shopping for food "Two words though. No pies! There I've said it."
Bret "But you guys love pies. You guys have been eating them every day"
Brian "We did love, them, the first couple of times."
Jemaine "Even the third time, but, then its just..."
Brian "Pies every day, look at me! What do I look like to you?"
Jemaine "You look like a pie Brian"
Brian "Exactly"
Bret "Whataboutchickenandmushroom...."
Jemaine "No, no"
Brian "Go to another shop!"
Bret "Ah no, there's heaps of other stuff at the shop. I can just get you something else. Not a big deal. Just no pies."

Brian's phone rings
Brian "Hello Brian Nesbitt"
Unknown male voice "Hi Barry. Its Josh Duchee. We met a couple of weeks ago at the Pig and Whistle, do you remember?
Brian "Uhhh"
Josh "I'm the American guy. I had shades on and you kept asking me if it was too bright for me in there. I came to see the Conchords"
Brian "Wow uh"
Josh "Listen Barry, its about the boys. I think they are terrific, especially the one, and I'd love to have 'em write a pop song for me, honestly. I think they've got a lot of potential. They are bursting to scream. Not just to reach the market where they are from, in Australia, but uhh, but also England and all little show business, but really America as well, I'm talking about a slice of the American pie"

Josh (talking to Bret and Jemaine)
Josh "And there's no leader right. There's Jemal, Jemean"
Jemaine "Jemaine"
Josh "And Brian"
Jemaine "Ah Bret"
Josh "Him too"

Josh "What does 'hakahoochiemunch' mean? That was a bit confusing for me"

Part 5: The Conchords are stretched to breaking point by Bret's girlfriend Suzanne. Is she really a Yoko Ono figure and.... can Neil Finn save the day?

Rob Brydon. Narrator. His best bit this week for me included

"The white Bob Marley of Wellington" - Said this week about Neil Finn

"Jemaines face turns to thunder, his eyebrows to some sort of angry lightning"

And onto the show

Songs featured in part 5 - Robots (aka Humans Are Dead)
If You're Into It


After their sucess with Whambi in part 4, the guys hire out a studio to record some songs.

Brian has the bridge tour all mapped out. Tonight its Putney Bridge. See map below.


And setting the scene for you, this is how it could have/should have/would have looked on a summer evening during the tour....


And if like Brian, you are moved by the bridge, you can take the virtual 360 tour without leaving your seat. See what Brian saw, sigh at what Brian sighed at... 360 tour of Putney Bridge
This is what the guys missed out on when skipping Brian's Bridge Tour :doh:

Bits I love from the show

Jemaine popping up on Bret's dates. Just when you think Bret and Suzanne are alone, Jemaine pipes up with a class line.

The performance of If You're Into It

Jemaine's visible upset at the 'Yoko' threat. And his heartfelt sigh.

The performance of the song I'm Not Crying. A song the band has not played since 1998 at the Taranaki Tavern Hootenanny and chilli cookoff. For personal reasons.

The fight in the studio. The whole setting of it, hot pies and hot tempers. Then the voiceover saying "Bret throws his headphones aside and grasps a savoury missile. Jemaine defends himself with a savoury slice" Sound effects ensue and colourful narrative follows.

The entire firing scene. No one knowing who was firing who, or who had been fired. Or who could be.

Lines/quotes from the show

Jemaine - "Yeah man, thats frozen cool"

Jemaine - "The bridge tours a possibility. And also I got a book out from the library on how Yoko Ono split the Beatles up. Might read some of that" *heavy sigh*

Brian (upon discovering Jemaine has been on Bret's dates) "You'd be a third wheel!"
Jemaine - (in his defence) "Yeah well, a third wheel is bad on a bike, but on a car its very nessecary"

Jemaine and his use of the "Hmmm"

Neil (answering phone) - "Hello"
Brian (to Neil on phone) "Hey Neil. Brian here!"
Neil - *Audible sigh of resignation* "Ok, hi Brian"
Brian - "You know Jemaine and Bret, the guys?"
Neil - "Getting to know them"

Talking about the band breakup -
Bret - "Yeah it feels strange the band having broken up. Luckily for me I've got Suzanne. Uhhh... Jemaines got Brian"
Jemaine - "I'm not too upset about the band *voice cracks* breaking up. Itsa, it was bound to happen"

Part 6 - Neil Finn saves the day

No new guests in this episode.

Rob Brydon. Narrator. His best bit this week for me included

His love for music and his watching Top Of The Pops through the serving hatch when making his tea. And liking The Blur.

"Losing a member can be damaging for any band, but for a duo it can prove disastourous. Turning them from a band into a man with a guitar no better than a busker or an annoying drunk person at a party"

After Bret is fired from the band they place an ad, Rob says - "An advert is immediately placed in Loot...... A week later ithe advert is moved to the correct section of Loot"

"Hopefull wannabee after hopefull wannabee gives it their all in the toilet, eager to fill Bret's shoes"

"With a Bret shaped hole in the band"

And onto the show

Songs featured in part 6 - Think About It, Think Think About It
She's So Hot! Boom! (or Boom Boom, She's So Hot). And a few snippets of others from throughout the 6 weeks.

Bret has been fired from the band following a 'harrowing pie fight'

Auditions for new member. Justin - He who sings Morning Has Broken.

And here is where the guys nearly play their reunion gig


And in case you are wondering where exactly it is, I have included one of my handy maps for you below


And this would just not have been right without a virtual tour 8)
So, if you would like to see what the view would have been like for the guys sitting down in the podium/stage area, go HERE and the view from the crowd would look like this, sort of . Maybe nothing like it, but it gives you an idea. And here is the page with lots more information on the Albert Hall thats Royal During the Proms. So not really what it would have been like for the guys, but maybe just a little bit. :roll:

Bits I love from the show

The audtions for a new band member taking place in the toilets.

Brian informing those that failed the auditions. His awkward explanations to people over the phone. And then telling Kipper he had not been succesful for the role, just umming and ahhing and not knowing what to say.

Brian calling Neil. His trump card. His 'bombshell' offering Neil Finn an audition for the band. And his slight surprise at being turned down by Neil. Then his pretending to not hear what Neil was saying and claiming to have to go.

Jemaine's attempt at filling the hole left by Bret and multitasking all the instruments.

The reunion gig at the Royal Albert Hall LINK image etc. Brian and his attempt to plan in advance by 'this Staurday'

Then cut to the actual reunion gig back in New Zealand, at the Taranaki Tavern. Loud cheering and a large banner saying 'The Return of the Conchords' Beneath it, in glitter, 'Welcome back Jemaine and Bret' with both names spelt correctly, even Bret's'

The radio show interview with Taranaki FM. The guys explain all about the last 5 weeks in an amazing short summary. And then Brian joins them. The bickering and one liners between the radio presenter (JBone) and Brian are priceless. As is Brian's insistance of calling him Jeremy.

Lines/quotes from the show

During auditions the following conversation takes place with the first person auditioning, Justin.

Brian "OK, who have we got here. Justin. Thats you! 2 J's, that could be confusing right off the bat"

*Jemaine begins to sing along in the background with Justin*

Jemaine - "Well see, he's singing in the register where I always sing in"
Brian - "Ah right. Hang on a minute Justin"
Jemaine (to Justin) - "Just your singing in the register where I would normally sing. Have you had training?"
Justin - "Yes"
Jemaine - "Yeah. Guitar lessons?"
Brian - "Jemaine, your speaking lower than you normally do.
Jemaine - *Low voice* "No"
Brian - "Yes you are. You're trying to be deeper than him"
Jemaine - "Could be higher
B "Can you go higher? And also what aboout your accent.. its quite English"
J "Well just because its our gimmick isn't it, New Zealand"
B "New Zealand"
*Justin then starts again in an insane Aussie/Kiwi accent
B "Not bad.... quite low though"

*Justin then hits a strangled higher key and sings on*

*Knock knock knock knock knock*

Brian - "Someone wants to use the toilet"
Jemaine - "Morag (or Moira) wants to use the toilet.
Brian - "I thought you put the sign up. Auditions!"
Jemaine - "I did, but she wants to use the toilet"

During Jemaine's demonstration for Brian, playing multiple instruments Brian listens and is impressed then asks "How are you playing the keyboard?" Jemaine, it appears demonstrates, and Brain responds with the line "Ah no, you've gone to far there *sigh* Lets just go and get Bret back eh?"

In the pie shop

Suzanne (gently) - "Hi Jemaine"
Jemaine (quickly) - "O hi Bret"
Bret - "Would you like a pie?"
Jemaine - "Yeah, thats what I'm here for. Its a pie shop isn't it"

.....a bit later on in the pie shop.....

Jemaine - "Got a new shirt I see. Starting to dress a bit like Suzanne"
Bret - "Its a uniform'
Jemaine - "O right, yeah that makes sense"

.....slightly later again.....

Jemaine (to Bret) - "O yeah there was another thing I was going to ask you actually. Ummm. Do you want to audition to be in the band"

Jemaine - "What do you say Bret? Lets do it for the fan"

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