Flight of The Conchords have gone studio sounding in their HBO series, and perform a couple of songs per episode.

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Below is an episode listing and links to songs used in each episode. Click on a song title to jump to the song lyrics.

Episode 1 - Sally - Beautiful Girl - Robots/Humans Are Dead - I'm Not Crying

Episode 2 - Bret Gives Up The Dream - Inner City Pressure - She's So Hot...Boom!

Episode 3 - Mugged - Hiphopopotamus vs the Rhymenocerous - Think About It

Episode 4 - Yoko - If You're Into It - Sellotape (aka Pencils In The Wind)

Episode 5 - Sally Returns - Business Time - Song For Sally

Episode 6 - Bowie - Bret You've Got It Going On - Bowie

Episode 7 - Drive By - Albi - Leggy Blonde - Mutha*uckas

Episode 8 - Girlfriends - Foux Da Fa Fa - A Kiss Is Not A Contract

Episode 9 - What Goes On Tour - Mermaids

Episode 10 - New Fans - Prince of Parties - Ladies Of The World

Episode 11 - The Actor - Cheer Up Murray - Frodo

Episode 12 - The Third Conchord - No songs performed. Just dancing. Classic!

Episode 1 - Sally

Beautiful Girl (Part time model)

J: Looking 'round the room
I can tell that you
Are the most beautiful girl
In the room.
B: In the whole wide room
J: And when you're on the street
Depending on the street
I bet that you are definitely
In the top three
Good looking girls on the street
B: Depending on the street
J: And when I saw you at my mate's place
I thought, "What is she doing
At my mate's place?
How did Dave get
A hottie like that
To a party like this?
Good work, Dave"
B: Ooh, you're a legend, Dave.
J: I ask Dave if he's gonna make a move on you
He's not sure
I say, "Dave, do you mind if I do?"
He says he doesn't mind
But I can tell he kinda minds
But I'm gonna do it anyway
I see you standing all alone by the stereo
I dim the lights down very low
Here we go
Both: You're so beautiful
You could be a waitress
You're so beautiful
You could be an air hostess in the 60's
You're so beautiful
You could be a part-time model
J: And then I seal the deal
I do my moves
I do my dance moves
Both: It's 12:02
Just me and you
And seven other dudes
Around you on the dance floor
I draw you near
Let's get out of here
Let's get in a cab
I'll buy you a kebab
I can't believe
That I'm sharing a kebab
With the most beautiful girl
I have ever seen with a kebab
Ooooh
Why don't we leave?
We can go to my house
And we can feel each other up on the couch
Oh no, I don't mind taking it slow
No-o-o-o
'Cause you're so beautiful
J: Like a tree
Or a high-class prostitute
Both: You're so beautiful
You could be a part-time model
J: But you'd probably still have to keep your normal job
Both: A part-time model
J: Spending part of your time modeling
And part of your time next to me
My place is usually tidier than this

Robots (Humans Are Dead)

Both: The distant future
The distant future
J: It is the distant future
The year 2000
B: We are robots
J: The world is very different ever since the robot uprising of the mid-90s.
There is no more unhappiness.
B: Affirmative
J: We no longer say yes. Instead we say ‘affirmative’.
B: Affirmative
J: Unless it’s a more colloquial situation with a few robo-friends.
J: There is only one kind of dance, the robot
B: And the robo-boogie
J: Oh yes. Two kinds of dances.
Both: Finally, robotic beings rule the world
The humans are dead
The humans are dead
We used poisonous gases
And we poisoned there asses
B: The humans are dead
J: That’s right they are dead
B: The humans are dead
J: They look like they’re dead
B: It had to be done
J: I’ll just confirm that they’re dead
B: So that we could have fun
J: Affirmative. I poked one. It was dead.

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I'm Not Crying

So, you’re leaving, aren’t you?
I knew it when you said just then when you told me you were leaving
That’s when I definitely knew
But if you’re trying to break my heart
Your plan is flawed from the start
You can’t break my heart, it’s liquid
It melted when I met you
And as you turn around to leave
Don’t’ turn back to me
Don’t turn around and see if I’m crying
I’m not crying
I’m not crying
It’s just been raining on my face
And if you think you see some tear tracks down my face
Please don’t tell my mates
I’m not crying
No, I’m not crying
And if I am crying
It’s not because of you
It’s because I’m thinking of a friend of mine who you don’t know who is dying
That’s right, dying
These aren’t tears of sadness because you’re leaving me
I’ve just been cutting onions
I’m making a lasagna
For one
Oh, I’m not crying
No
There’s just a little bit of dust in my eye
That’s from the path that you made when you said your goodbye
I’m not weeping because you won’t be here to hold my hand
For your information there’s an inflammation in my tear gland
I’m not upset because you left me this way
My eyes are just a little sweaty today
They’ve been seaching around
They’re like searching for you
They’ve been looking around
Even though I told them not to
These aren’t tears of sadness
They’re tears of joy
I’m just laughing
Ha ha ha-ha ha
Sitting at this table called love
Staring down at the irony of life
How come we’ve reached this fork in the road
And yet it cuts like a knife?
I’m not crying
I’m not crying
I’m not cry-y-y-y-
-y-y-y-y-ing

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Episode 2 - Bret Gives Up The Dream

Inner City Pressure

Inner city life, inner city pressure
The concrete world is starting to get ya
The city is alive, the city is expanding,
Living in the city can be demanding,
You’ve pawned everything, everything you own,
Your toothbrush, jar, and a camera phone
You don’t know where you’re going
You cross the street
You don’t know why you did,
You walk back across the street.
Standing in the sitting room, totally skint
And your favorite jersey is covered in lint
You want to sit down, but you sold your chair
So you just stand there
You just stand there
You just stand there
Inner
Inner city
Inner city pressure
Inner city pressure
Counting coins on the counter of the 7-11,
From a quarter past six ‘til a quarter to seven,
The manager Bevan starts to abuse me
Hey man, I just want some Muesli,
Neon signs, hidden messages,
Questions, answers, fetishes,
You know you’re not in high finance,
Considering getting second hand underpants,
Check your mind, how’d it get so bad?
What happened to those other underpants you had,
Look in your pockets, haven’t found a cent yet,
Landlords on your balls, have you paid your rent yet?
Inner
Inner city
Inner city pressure
Inner city pressure
So you think maybe you’ll be a prostitute,
Just to pay for your lessons, you’re learning the flute,
The ladies won’t pay you very much for this,
Looks like you’ll never be a concert flautist,
You don’t measure up to the expectation
When you’re unemployed there’s no vacation
No one cares, no one sympathizes
You just stay home and play synthesizers.
Inner
Inner city
Inner city pressure
Inner city pressure
Inner
Inner city
Inner city pressure
Inner city pressure

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She's So Hot... Boom!

Oh my God. She’s so hot. She’s so flippin’ hot. She’s like a curry.
I want to tell her how hot she is, but she’ll think I’m being sexist.
She’s so hot she’s making me sexist.
Bitch.
I think I need a 1983 Casio DG-20 electric guitar
Set to electric mandolin
Some drums
Yeah
Hear me now!
I see you with a sign
I want to boom like it’s never been done
Bust moves like the click boom of a gun
My beats stay locked and my eyes are zooming
My feet start tweaking and my body’s booming
The first day of boom and the flowers are blooming
Booty boom bass and the party is booming
Boom ba-boom like a rocket taking off to the moon
Boom boom like a bride and boom-ah
See you shaking that boom boom
See you looking at my boom boom
See you want some boom boom
It’s clear it’s boom time
Boom boom
Let me buy you a boom boom
You order a fancy boom
You like boom
And I like boom
Enough small boom let’s boom the boom-ah
Fast-forward, selecta
Now we’re rolling on a boom boom
Riding to my private room
And we boom whats boom and we both assume
We’re gonna boom boom boom ‘til the break of boom
Who’s the boom king?
Who?
I’m the boom king.
What?
Who’s the boom king?
Tell me now.
I’m the boom king
He’s the boom king
My phone is beeping, it’s B-boom Boom
He’s back from ten years doom and gloom
He said he had his boom chopped off in the boom
But the crazy boom still loves to boom
Unzip the boom and the lens goes boom
Your b-boom drops
Ba-boom ba-boom boom
We both get freaky and my boom gets leaky
Then we boom boom boom boom
Boom boom boom
Who’s the boom king?
Who?
I’m the boom king
What?
Who’s the boom king?
Hah!
I’m the boom king
Bret’s the boom king

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Episode 3 - Mugged

Hiphopopotamus vs the Rhymenocerous

I’m the mother flippin’ Rhymenocerous
My beats are fly and the birds are on my back
And I’m horny
I’m horny
If you choose to proceed you will indeed concede
Cos I hit you with my flow
The Wild Rhino Stampede.
I’m not just wild, I’m trained,
Domesticated
I was raised by a rapper and rhino that dated
And subsequently procreated
That’s how it goes
Here’s the Hiphopopotamus
The hip hop hippo
They call me the Hiphopopotamus
My lyrics are bottomless
They call me the Hiphopopotamus
Flows that glow like phosphorous
Poppin’ off the top of this esophagus
Rockin’ this metropolis
I’m not a large water-dwelling mammal
Where did you get that preposterous hypothesis?
Did Steve tell you that, perchance?
Steve.
My rhymes and records they don’t get played
Because my records and rhymes they don’t get made
And if you rap like me you don’t get paid
And if you roll like me you don’t get laid.
My rhymes are so potent that in this small segment
I made all of the ladies in the area pregnant
Yes, sometimes my lyrics are sexist
But you lovely bitches and hoes should know I’m trying to correct this.
Other rappers dis me
Say my rhymes are sissy.
Why? Why? Why?
What?
Why exactly?
What? Why?
Be more constructive with your feedback, please. Why?
Why?
Why, because I rap about reality?
Like me and my grandma drinking a cup of tea?
There ain’t no party like my nanna’s tea party.
Hey! Ho!
I’m the motherflippin’
I’m the motherflippin’
I’m the motherflippin’
Who’s the motherflippin?
I’m the motherflippin’
I’m the motherflippin’
I’m the motherflippin’
Motherflippin’

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Think About It

There’s children on the street using guns and knives
Taking drugs and each other’s lives
Killing each other with knives and forks
Calling each other names like ‘dork’
There’s people on the street getting diseases from monkeys
Yeah, that’s what I said - they’re getting diseases from monkeys
Now there’s junkies with monkey disease
Who’s touching these monkeys, please
Leave these poor sick monkeys alone
They’ve got problems enough as it is.
Man’s lying on the street
Some punk’s chopped off his head
I’m the only one who stops
To see if he’s dead
Mmm...
Turns out he’s dead.
And that’s why I’m singing
What...what is wrong with the world today?
What is wrong with the world today?
(Jemaine mumbles)
What...what is wrong with the world today?
You gotta think about it
Think think about it.
Good cops been framed and put into a can.
All the money that we’re making is going to the man.
What man?
Which man?
Who’s the man?
When’s a man a man?
What makes a man a man?
Am I a man?
Yes. Technically I am.
They’re turning kids into slaves just to make cheaper sneakers.
But hat’s the real cost?
‘Cause the sneakers don’t seem that much cheaper.
Why are we still paying so much for sneakers
When you got them made by little slave kids
What are your overheads?
Well, at the end of your life, you’re lucky if die,
Sometimes I wonder why we even try.
I saw a man lying on the street half dead
With knives and forks sticking out of his leg.
And he said,
“Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow
Can somebody get that knife and fork out of my leg, please?
Can somebody please remove these cutleries from my knees?”
And then we break it down.
This is where we break it down
Ooh
This is where we break it down
Aah
This is where we do the whoa-o-o-o
Break it down
This is where we build it up now
We build it up now
We build it up now
We build it up now
We build it up now
Build it up
And then we stop

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Episode 4 - Yoko

If You're Into It

If you want me to
I could hang ‘round with you
If I only knew
That’s what you’re into.
You and him
Him and you
If that’s what
You’re into
Him hanging ‘round
Around you
You’re hanging ‘round
Yeah, you’re there too.
And if you want me to
I will take off all my clothes for you
I will take off all my clothes for you
If that’s what you’re into
How ‘bout him
In the nude?
If that’s what
You’re into.
In the nude in front of you
Is that what you’d wanna view?
If it’s cool with you
I’ll let you get naked too
It could be a dream come true
Providing that’s what you are into
Is that what
You’re into?
Him and you
In the nude?
That’s what he’s prepared to do
Is that the kind of thing you think you might be into?
And then maybe later
We get hot by the refrigerator
In the kitchen next to the pantry
You think that might be what you fancy?
In the buff
Being rude
Doing stuff
With the food
Getting lude
With his food
We heard that’s what you are into
Then on our next date
Well, you could bring your roommate
I don’t know if Stu is keen to
But if you want we could double-team you
How about you
And two dudes?
Him, you and Stu
In the nude
Being lude with two dudes with food
Well, that’s if Stu’s into it, too
All the things I’d do
The things I’d do for you
If I only knew
That’s what you’re into

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Sellotape (aka Pencils In The Wind)

Lives are like delicate pencils
If you push them too hard they’re gonna break
And people are like paper dolls
Paper dolls and people, they’re a similar shape
Hmm hmm hm
Love is like a roll of tape
It’s real good for making two things one
But just like that roll of tape
Love sometimes breaks off before you were done
Another way that love is similar to tape
That I’ve noticed
Is sometimes it’s hard to see the end
You search on the roll
(search on the roll)
Search on the roll
(searching round the roll)
Search on the roll
(search)
With your fingernail
Again and again
And again and again
And again.
Brown paper, white paper
Stick it together with the tape
The tape of love
The sticky stuff
Brown paper, white paper
Stick it together with tape
The tape of love
The sticky stuff.
People people Chorus: Brown paper, white paper
Paper paper Stick it together with tape
Paper paper The tape of love
People people
People people
Pencil pencil
Pencil pencil
Paper paper
Put the pencil to the paper
Give the paper to the people
Let the people read about the sello tape
Oh baby baby
Yeah
You know, Jemaine, I’ve been thinking about love. And I guess it’s the very stron-
gest adhesive.
Oh sorry, Bret. Were you talking to me? I was humming. What did you say?
Oh, just...nothing.
Brown paper, white paper
Stick it together with tape
The tape of love
The sticky stuff
Yeah
Ooh brown
Brown paper, white paper
Stick it together with tape
The tape of love
Say it
Sticky
Stick stick
Stick it together
Ye-yeah

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Episode 5 - Sally Returns

Business Time

Unghh
Girl tonight we’re gonna make love
You know how I know?
Because it’s Wednesday
And Wednesday night is the night that we usually make love
Tuesday night is the night that we usually go to your mother’s place and I teach
her how to use the video machine again
But Wednesday night is the night that we make love
It’s when everything is just right
You’re not too tired from your afterwork social netball team practice
There’s nothing good on TV.
Mmmmm...
Conditions are perfect for making love.
You turn to me and say something sexy like, “I might go to bed. I’ve got work in
the morning.”
I know what you’re trying to say, baby.
You’re trying to say “Aww, yeah. It’s business time.”
It’s business
It’s business time
I know what you’re trying to say
You’re trying to say it’s time for business
It’s business time
Ooh
It’s business
It’s business time
Aww aww yeah yeah
The next thing you know we’re in the bathroom brushing our teeth
That’s all part of it, that’s foreplay.
Foreplay is very important in love making
Then you go sort out the recycling
Which isn’t part of the foreplay, but it’s still very important
That’s not foreplay, but it’s still very important.
Then next thing you know we’re in the bedroom
You’re wearin’ that same old ugly, baggy T-shirt with a stain on it that you got
from that team-building exercise you did for your old work several years ago
“Team Building Exercise ‘99”.
I take off my clothes
But I trip over my jeans ‘cause I’m still wearing my shoes
But it’s okay because I turn it all into a sexy dance.
The next thing you know I’m wearing absolutely nothing
Except for my socks
And you know when I’m down to my socks what time it
It’s business time
It’s business
It’s business time
When I’m down to my socks it’s time for business
That’s why they’re called business socks
Ooh
It’s business
It’s business time
Aww aww yeah yeah
Making love
Making love for
Makin love for two
Making love for two minutes
When it’s with me, you only need two minutes, girl
‘Cause I’m so intense
Two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven
You turn to me and say something sexy like, “Is that it?”
I know what you’re trying to say, girl
You’re trying to say, “Aw yeah, that’s it”
And then you tell me you want some more
Well, uh...
I’m not surprised
But I am quite sleepy
Mmm
It’s business
It’s business time
Business hours are over, baby
It’s business
It’s business time

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Song For Sally

Sally, I love you
Sally, I love you
Sally, I need you
Sally, I need you, too
I need to be with you
But I don’t just love and need you
I love and need and want you, too
I don’t just love and need you
I love and need and want you, too, too
Yeah, well I love and need and want you, too, too, too
That’s too many- That’s just ridiculous
Oh, you could be with me
Or you could be with me
If you wanted to be
If you wanted to be with me
Or me
The only thing stopping you from being with me
Is that you don’t want to be with me
It’s the same with me
Except with me
But if you did I’d hold you tight
Every single night
And we’d fall asleep together
And we’d wake up in the sunlight
Well, maybe I’m a dreamer
But maybe one day you’ll see
That dreams are-
Yeah, yeah
She gets it
Stop cockblocking me
‘Cause who knows what makes love stop or start
I can’t help but think that now you’re engaged we’re drifting apart
And who am I to say that love will last?
It won’t or it will
But maybe Mark will be involved in an accident
And you’ll get a life insurance payment of half a mil
It’s not about the money, but it could set us up financially
If you came back to me
Or me.
Sally, I wrote this song to tell you know much I love you
Quite a lot, actually
Even sometimes more than my current girlfriend
I love you so much
I love you, sometimes, even more than my current girlfriend
Sally, I co-wrote this song to tell you how much I love you
It’s quite a lot, actually
Well, he’s said basically just the same thing
I think he’s been looking over at my bit of paper
Except with the girlfriend bit
Ooh, I love you
I love you you you you
Ooh, and I need you
I need you you you you you you you you
I need to be with you
Ditto that
‘Cause you and me, we were meant to be
Bret’s got a girlfriend
But Sally and me, we were meant to be
Bret, you’ve got a girlfriend
Yeah well, I’d break it off with her if I knew Sally wanted to be with me
Just so you know Sally, unlike Bret I’m available immediately
Sally, I love you

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Episode 6 - Bowie

Bret You've Got It Going On

Hey there, Bret
I see you looking down
Don’t want to see my little buddy there with a frown
Just because I get more women than you
That’s only because they don’t know you like I do.
Sure, you’re weedy and kinda shy
But some girlie out there must be needy for a weedy shy guy.
They want you as a needle when they’re rolling in the hay.
Just hear me out when I say
Bret, you got it goin’ on.
The ladies get to know your sexuality
When they get to know your personality.
I said, Bret, you got it goin’ on.
Not in a gay way
Just in a hey, mate,
I want to say that you’re looking okay, mate.
Why can’t a heterosexual guy tell a heterosexual guy
That he thinks his booty is fly?
Not all the time, obviously
Just when he’s got a problem with his self esteem
Don’t let anybody tell you you’re not humpable
Because you’re bumpable
Well, I hope this doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable
If I say you’ve got a boom o wow
Come on, Bret
Help me out now
Bret you got it goin’ on.
I got it goin’ on.
That’s the conclusion that I’ve come to
But that doesn’t mean that I want to bum you.
Bret, you’ve got it goin’ on
Got it goin’ on
No doubt about it
We’d be getting crazy
If one of us was lucky enough to be born a lady.
Oh, if one of us was a lady
And I was your man, if I was your man
Well, sometimes it gets lonely
And I need a woman
And then I imagine you with some bosoms
In fact, one time when we were touring
And I was really lonely
And we were sharing that twin room in the hotel
I put a wig on you when you were sleeping
Put a wig on you
Ooh ooh ooh
And I just laid there and spooned you
Bret, you’ve got it goin’ on

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Bowie

Bowie’s in space
Bowie’s in space
What you doing out there, man?
That’s pretty freaky, Bowie
Isn’t it cold out in space, Bowie?
Do you want to borrow my jumper, Bowie?
Does the space cold make your nipples go pointy, Bowie?
Do you use your pointy nipples as telescopic antennae to transmit data back to
Earth?
Bet you do, you freaky old bastard you
Hey Bowie, do you have one really funky sequined space suit?
Or do you have several ch-changes?
Do you smoke grass out in space, Bowie?
Or do they smoke Astroturf?
Ooh!
Receiving transmission from David Bowie’s nipple antennae
Do you read me, Lieutenant Bowie?
This is Bowie to Bowie
Do you hear me out there, man?
This is Bowie back to Bowie
I read you loud and clear, man
Ooh yeah, man!
Your signal’s weak on my radar screen
How far out are you, man?
I’m pretty far out
That’s pretty far out, man
Ooh- ah- ooh!
I’m orbiting Pluto
Ooh- ah- ooh!
Drawn in by its groovitational
(Groovitational pull)
I’m jamming out with the Mick Jagger-nauts
Ooh, and they think it’s pretty cool
Are you okay, Bowie?
What was that sound?
I don’t know, man
Ooh, it’s the craziest scene
Yeah, I’m picking it up on my LSD screen
Can you see the stratosphere ringing?
To the choir of Afronauts singing
Bowie’s in space
Bowie’s in space
Bowie Bowie Bowie Bowie Bowie Bowie
Bowie’s in space
Bowie Bowie Bowie Bowie Bowie Bowie
Eena-ma-ma-meena-mina-mowie
Phasers on funky
Eena-ma-ma-meena-mina-mowie
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-Bowie’s in Space

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Episode 7 - Drive By

Albi

In the Marmalade forest (forest), between
the make believe trees, in a
cottage cheese cottage! Lives
Albie, (Albie,) Albie, (Albie,) Albie the
Racist Dragon - Part Six... And so
all of the villagers chased Albie
the racist dragon, into a very cold and very
scary cave. It was so dark and so
scary there that Albie began to
cry. Dragon tears, which as we all
know turn into jellybeans! Just
then, he felt a tiny hand on
his tail, and he turned around and who
should it be, but the badly burned
Albanian boy from the day before.
What are you doing? I thought I
killed you!
Grumbled Albie, quite racistly...
No...no! Albie, you didn’t kill me
with your dragon flames. I crawled
to safety, but I was left very badly
disfigured...
Laughed the boy.
Why are you crying, Albie?
Well, all the villagers chased me into
this scary cave. I think it’s
because I’m soooo racist...get your
hand off my tail. You’ll make it
dirty.
They didn’t chase you here because of
your racism. They chased me here
too when I became all disfigured
like this. They just don’t like us
because... because we’re different
to them.
And at that Albie cried a single
tear which turned into a jellybean
all the colors of the rainbow! And
suddenly...Albie wasn’t racist
anymore!!!
So they sat in the cave (the cave), and ate
bubblegum pie (yum) Albie the
racist, (Albie the racist,)
Albie the racist
(well, not anymore) dragon.

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Leggy Blonde

Goodbye
Goodbye, leggy blonde
Every day I’d look across the office floor
There you were your hair down to your legs
And your legs down to the floor
Leggy blonde, goodbye
Goodbye
Now that you are gone I’ll never see you here for tech repair
I wish you knew how much I loved your legs and your hair
Leggy blonde, goodbye
Goodbye
Leggy leggy leggy leggy
Leggy leggy leggy leggy
Leggy leggy leggy leggy
Leggy leggy leggy leggy
Blondie blondie blondie blondie
Blondie blondie blondie blondie
Blondie blondie blondie blondie
Blondie blondie
Leggy blonde
Goodbye
Goodbye
I had a budgie but it died
(whoa)
I like pie
Leggy leggy leggy leggy
Leggy leggy leggy leggy
Leggy leggy leggy leggy
Leggy leggy leggy leggy
Blondie blondie blondie blondie
Blondie blondie blondie blondie
Blondie blondie blondie blondie
Blondie blondie
Leggy blonde
I’ll never get
I’ll never get to be with ya
I’ll never get to share another cup of tea with ya
I’ll never get to let ya know how much I think of ya
I’ll never get to tear your clothes off on the photocopier
He’ll never get
He’ll never get
He’ll never get
He’ll never get to say
Oooh leggy blonde you got it goin’ on
Wanna see you wearin’ that thong thong thong
See you getting’ on to the break of dawn
(Mumbling) panties on
Goodbye
Goodbye, leggy blonde

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Mutha*uckas

Too many mutha uckas
Uckin’ with my shi-
There’s too many mutha uckas
Uckin’ with my shi-
Uckin’ with my shi-
Too many mutha uckas
Uckin’ with my shi-
With my shi-
How many mutha uckas?
Too many to count
Mutha uckas
I pay my mutha uckin’ rent fortnightly
Mutha uckas at the bank trying to play me
And I’m out for my account
‘Cause out on A.P
On AP
Yeah, you know me
Mutha ucka charge a two buck transaction fee
Makes my payment short
My rent comes back to me
Minus a twenty-five dollar penalty
So you’ll see me ‘cause of your mutha uckin’ fee
Read the words
On my ATM slip, it said
We’re all mutha uckas
And we’re uckin’ with your shi-
Too many mutha uckas
Uckin’ with my shi-
My transaction shi-!
There’s too many mutha uckas
Uckin’ with my shi-
My weekly statement shi-!
My weekly statement shi-!
Too many mutha uckas
Uckin’ with my shi-
With my balance shi-!
How many mutha uckas?
Too many to count
Mutha uckas
The mutha ucka runs a racist uckin’ grocery
The mutha ucka won’t sell an apple to a Kiwi
The shi- fight’s gonna get vicious and malicious
Cut the cra- ...
I need my red delicious
Tells me as a Kiwi that my money isn’t valid
Gonna dice the mutha ucka like a mutha uckin’ fruit salad
Then... ... Granny Smith... ...
...an avocado... ... b-... -a... ...
...a mango... ...
Then pop an apple in his ass, yeah!
Too many mutha uckas
Uckin’ with my shi-
I’m gonna juice the mutha ucka
There’s too many mutha uckas
Uckin’ with my shi-
He’s gonna wake up in a smoothie
Too many mutha uckas
Uckin’ with my (beatboxing)
Everybody come on!
Too many mutha uckas uckin’ with my shhhhh

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Episode 8 - Girlfriends - Fouc Da Fa Fa - A Kiss Is Not A Contract

Foux Da Fa Fa

J: Je voudrais une croissant
J: Je suis enchante
J: Ou est le bibliotheque?
J: Voila mon passport
J: Ah, Gerard Depardieu
B + J:Un baguette, ah ha ha, oh oh oh oh
B: Ba Ba ba-ba Bow!
B: Foux da fa fa
Foux da fa fa fa fa
Foux da fa fa
Ah ee ah
B: Foux da fa fa
Foux da fa fa fa fa
Foux da fa fa
Ah ee ah
B: Et maintenant le voyage a la supermarche!
B: Le pamplemousse (grapefruit)
B: Ananas (pineapple)
B: Jus d’orange
B: Boeuf
B: Soup du jour
B: Le camembert
B: Jacque Cousteau
B: Baguettte
J: Mais oui
J: Bon jour
F: Bon jour
J: Bon jour
F: Bon jour, monsieur
J: Bonjour mon petit bureau de change
B: Ca va?
L: Ca va.
B: Ca va?
L: Ca va.
B: Voila – le conversation a la parc.
B: Ou est le livre?
J: A la bibliotheque
B: Et le musique dance?
J: Et le discotheque.
B: Et le discotheque
J: C’est ci, baby!
J: Un, deux, trois, quatre
B: Ba ba ba-ba bow!
All: Foux da fa fa
Foux da fa fa fa fa
Foux da fa fa
Ah ee ah
Foux da fa fa
Foux da fa fa fa fa
Foux da fa fa
Ah ee ah
F: Ou est le piscine?
J: Pardon moi?
F: Ou’est le piscine?
J: ...Uh...
F: Splish splash
J: ...Uh...
F: Eh...
J: Je ne comprends pas.
F: Parlez-vous le francais?
J: Eh?
F: Eh? Parlez-vous le francais?
J: Uh ....No.
F: Hmmm.
B: Foux da fa fa
Foux da fa fa fa fa
Foux da fa fa
Ah ee ah
Ba ba ba-ba bow!

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A Kiss Is Not A Contract

A kiss is not a contract
But it's very nice
Mmmmm, very nice
Just because you've been exploring my
mouth
Doesn't mean you get to take an
expedition further south
No.
A kiss is not a contract,
But it's very nice,
It's very, very nice,
Just because we've been playing tonsil
hockey
Doesn't mean you get to score the goal
that's in my jockey
Just because I'm in a two man
novelty band
Doesn't mean it's all about
poontang.
I can't go around loving everyone
I just wouldn't get anything done
You can take me out to dinner that
might be quite nice
you could buy me a burrito and some beans
and rice
but that won't get you into pants
paradise
They call it a fly because it takes
you up to heaven oh oh
A kiss is not a contract but it's very
nice. It’s very very nice.
I'm only one man, baby, pretty baby
We're only two men, ladies
Babies. Pretty babies.

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Episode 9 - What Goes On Tour - Mermaids

J: Ah Ah...
B: Ah Ah...
J: Ah Ah...
B: Ah Ah...
B+J: Ah Ah...
B: Mermaid
J: Mermaid
B: Mermaid
J: Mermaid
B: Mermaid
J: Mermaid
B: Mermaid
J: Mermaid
B+J: Mermaid Mermaid
J: Mermaid
B: Mermaid
B: Mermaid murmured
Into my ear
The answers to questions
I’m longing to hear.
B+J: Does it relax you
To hear the sound of the land?
Do you, a mermaid, have
Slightly webbed hands?
(AH AH AH)
B+J: Is it normal for a guy to wear
A scuba apparatus
When he makes love in the sea?
Make love to me.
Would it be weird for you
If I touched your fishy half?
It would for me.
B+J: (AH AH AH OH WA-EE-AH WA-EE-AH)
(AH AH AH OH WA-EE-AH WA-EE-AH)
(OOO-A-OOO-A-OOO-A-OOO-A-OOO)
B: Do you have mermaid parties beneath the sea?
J: Am I invited?
(AH...)
B: At these mermaid parties do you smoke seaweed?
B+J: If so, then how do you light it?
(OOO...)
B: Are you the answer to a drunken sailor’s lonely wish?
B: Wish wish wish...
B: Or are you an optical illusion caused by a woman sitting on a rock
Holding half a fish?
J: Half a sexier fish...
B+J: (AH AH AH OH WA-EE-AH WA-EE-AH)
(AH AH AH OH WA-EE-AH WA-EE-AH)
(OOO-A-OOO-A-OOO-A-OOO-A-OOO)

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Episode 10 - New Fans - Prince of Parties - Ladies of the World

Prince of Parties

I'm the pretty prince of parties
You're a tasty piece of pastry
You're so lighty flighty flakey
I go where the party takes me
I'm the funky monkey junky
You're a flunky bunky donkey
You're a picture of the devil’s daughter
I'm a pitcher of holy water
Oh pretty prince of parties where's
the party now? - I don't know.
Oh pretty prince of parties where does
water go? - I let it flow.
Oh pretty prince of parties can I come
to your party? - No.
Oh pretty prince of parties where do
you get your clothes? - They're made
of snow. Pretty party clothes
crocheted of snow.
I'm the mickey Maori minstrel
You're the high priestess of tinsel
I'm the guru god of ganja
Ramashalanka lanka ravi shanka
la la la la la la la la la la la la

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Ladies Of The World

J: Ooohhh....ooooh....
I just wanna, I just wanna
B: Just wanna do something special for all the Ladies in the World
J: Oh yes (J)
B: Just wanna do somethin’ special
J: Ah (J)
B: For all the Ladies in the world
J: Is that possible? (J)
B: And the gir-rls
Don’t forget them girls
J: Caribbean
B: (Ladies)
J: Parisian
B: (Ladies)
J: Bolivian
B: (Ladies)
J: Namibian
B: (Ladies)
J: Eastern Indochinian
B: (Ladies)
J: Republic of Dominican
B: (Ladies)
J: Amphibian
B: (Ladies)
J: Presbyterian
B: (Ladies)
J: Outta sight
B: Amazin’ ladies
J: Late night
B: Hard workin’ ladies
J: Erudite
B: Brainy ladies
J: Hermaphrodite
B: Lady-man-ladies
J: Oh you sexy hermaphrodite lady-man-ladies
With your sexy lady bits
And your sexy man bits too
Even you must be in to you ooo ooo
B+J: All the ladies in the world
I wanna get next to you
Show you some gratitude
By makin’ love to you it’s the least we can do...
B+J: If every soldier in the wo-orld
Put down his weapon and picked up a woman
What a peaceful world this world would be-eee...
B+J: Redheads not warheads
Blondes not bombs
We’re talkin’ about brunettes not fighter jets
J: Oooh Oooh it’s got to be Sweet 16’s not M-16’s
When will the governments realize it’s got to be funky sexy ladies?
B: I have a vision and all I can see
Is all of you with ‘a all of me
In a world of peace and harmony
Where every lady gets a little piece of Bret-y
J: I’ve been to Paris, Wellington and Amsterdam
And a wham-bam, Merci, Danke, thank ‘a you ma’m
I don’t care if you’re ugly or you’re skanky or you’re small
I just wanna do a little something special for y’all...
B + J:All the ladies, in the world, you deserve it, Girrrrrrl...

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Episode 11 - The Actor - Cheer Up Murray - Frodo

Cheer Up Murray

Cheer up Murray
Don’t let it get you down
Pick yourself up off the ground
It’s gonna be alright
Cheer up Murray
You look a little sad
Your life ain’t so bad
Just think of all the good times
Remember your 33rd birthday
You threw a great big party
And all of your friends were there for you
Jemaine, Greg, and me
We brought you a cake in the shape of a four and a three
‘cause we all thought you were forty three
You got a dog
He loves you Murray
It’s one hell of a dog
It’s an English bulldog
And you’ve got a car
Don’t you Murray
It’s an ’03 Accord
Only one previous owner
And you’ve got a job
You’ve got all of your limbs
You’ve got a sensitive nose
And you do Tae Kwon Do
You’re good at matching your ties to your clothes
You’ve got a wife
Though she comes and goes
Some people don’t return your calls
They don’t return your calls
People will call you Gingerballs
They’ll call you Gingerballs
Those people don’t know what they see
They just see Gingerballs
Gingerballs
Cheer up Murray
It’s time to forget
Your wife met someone on the net
Let’s go and get an ice cream
Cheer up Murray
So nothing goes your way
It’s the same every day
Well, tomorrow is another day...

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Frodo

JEMAINE AND BRET
Frodo, don't wear the ring.
I know it's very tempting.
Yes, you will appear to disappear,
But the dark riders they’ll know you're there.
Yes, Lord Sauron has many spies...
EUGENE
(as Saruman)
Many spies, have many eyes...
JEMAINE AND BRET
One ring to bind them, to find them,
One ring to rule them all,
One ring to bind them, one to find them,
One ring to rule them ALLLLLLL!!!
Yea, Little Frodo!
You've got to rule them, Frodo, rule them with the ring Come on ruuuule them
with your ring!
EUGENE
(as Saruman)
Lord Sauron has many spies, beasts and birds.
MEL
(as Arwen)
If you want him, come and claim him!
BRET
(as Frodo)
Do they, Gandalf?
MURRAY
(as Gandalf)
I am not a conjurer of cheap tricks!
JEMAINE
(as Sam)
I can’t carry the ring
But I can carry you, Mr. Frodo.
DAVE
(as Aragorn)
You have my sword,
BRET
(as Legolas)
And my bow,
DAVE
(as Gimli)
And my axe!
MEL
(as Arwen)
Noro nim mish fir mar nim nor!
JEMAINE
(as Sam)
Mordor...
DAVE
(as Aragorn)
We'll never make it.
There's thousands of them and only nine of us...
BRET
(as Frodo with ring)
Ohhhh...
DAVE
(as Aragorn)
We made it...
BRET
(as Frodo)
Hurray, we made it.
BRET AND JEMAINE
Yo Frodo, what you doin' wearing the ring?
All powerful jewelry, is that your new thing?
I know it's hard when you're little more than 3 foot 4
Your little ass so close to the floor.
Trying to lead the fellows to the gates of Mordor
The Fellowship!
(Yea the fellowship)
I don't rap about bitches and hos,
I rap about witches and trolls,
just passing on the words of the Elven king,
Wisdom to all
Frodo! Don't wear the ring!
JEMAINE AND BRET
Frodo don't wear the ring,
The magical bling bling,
You’ll never be the Lord of the Rings...

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