The One Guy Story

Austin, Texas March 2006

This was too good to not give its own page to! So, many many thanks to JP, for taking the time, all three hours and seven minutes of it, to drive to Austin to meet Flight of The Conchords. And the four hours to type this all up today.

This is his story. And pics. Enjoy!

Well lets just say Thursday March 16th 2006 will from this point forward simply be known as The day I took off of work woke up earlier than usual in order to make "THE ONE GUY" shirt because I forgot to make it earlier in the week luckily for me I happened to have a nekkid T to make one with so simple design hit print twice iron one on the back put one on the front load up the cameras get in the van stop for gas thats suspiciously gone up about $.20 in one day so it cost me $50.00 to fill 'er up in order to make the three hour drive to meet Flight of the Conchords It just rolls of the tongue don't it??

OK here is the actual ensemble that was worn for "the" meeting

I know what you ladies are thinking. Where are the undies ? Well I'm wearing them. It would be a little out of line for me to take a picture in the dudity wouldn't it? Of course I'm keeding . I'm nekkid. If you look closely I think there's a hole in that one sock and the hat is filthy. I was trying to fit in with the frat boys.

The three hour drive felt more like 3 hours and 7 minutes but I feel like I've made pretty good time. Great timing too. A car pulls out a few spaces down from The Yard Dog just as I drive up. Its about 2:30 and I'm thinking the guys are going on at 3:15. The schedule is a little confusing. For every two acts there is a 45 minute time frame showing. One band in bold print right above one in smaller print and a time off to the right . It looks something like this,except without the little dots. They should have done that it would've helped.

We're Emo's Savior...................................12:15-1:00
The next dudes that will play
The Next Craptacular Band.........................1:15-2:00
insert band name of choice here
Mom Thinks We're the Next Big Thing..........2:15-3:00
I got this guitar yesterday
We heard JET and thought this was cool......3:15-4:00
Flight of the Conchords
So they were actually playing at 4:00 and again after the band that followed them. My times are probably off but I think you get the point.

The set up was a hunormous stage of at least 8'x20'. It was covered with a canopy with some really high tech normal household light bulbs for illumination when it would be necessary later in the evening. They split the stage into two sections. Somewhere between 2/3rds and 5/8ths of it for the rocking electric stuff. The rest for the acoustic acts. This way there would be little dead air between the music. Good thinking. My friend Steve, who lives in Austin, and came to meet me and help out dubbed the acoustic part of it the "Bob Dylan" stage.

So I'm taking in the "scene"...
Gothchick, check,
Rockaretros, check
y'allturnitives, check
IlooklikethemGreenDaydudes, check
I'mthecoolestpersonever, check
I'manidindustrytypewithabadge andcanmakeorbreakyourcareer butnotreallybecauseIactuallyonly havemyownmyspacepage
andinrealityhavenosayinanything whatsoeverespecially myownopinions, check.

I think I see Deirdre but I'm not sure if its her. I'm hoping she sees the shirt and gets it but she is so excited I do not even begin to exist . I let her walk past me about 30-40 times before I tap her on the shoulder and simply point at my shirt. JOHNNY!!!!!!!

While were waiting for Bret and Jemaine to show up I happen to notice something. Apparently Bret has become so popular he has hired a couple of questionable "decoys" to throw the ladies off. He should think about expanding his budget regarding this effort

Fake Bret #1 (not too bad)

Fake Bret#2 (needs a lot more work. I'm also pretty sure his Sono Bono bookings aren't what they used to be so....)

I think I was the only one that noticed the greatness of Jon Stewart. He was sporting a wig and really hoping nobody spotted him. You can see the
"I hope nobody notices me" in his eyes in this pic

You can also see the anger in them as I "spotted" him

So the boys finally show up. They make the grandest of entrances complete with subs thumping out the jams,girls,bling bling,girls,their dogs,girls,gunshots,girls,gold teeth,girls,cars bouncing up and down, girls HAY HO HAY HO HAY HO HAY. Oh no wait that was they Notorios B.I.G. tribute the day before. They just walked in with their gig bags slung over their shoulder of preference.

I walk up to Bret and say "Hello glad you guys are here love what you do". He graciously thanks me. He wouldn't understand the shirt joke so I don't point it out. I head over to Jemaine and wait as he is talking to some younger type dudes and I'm thinking these are the smart young ones if they get FotC. Let them have their time. He gets done and I walk over and point at my shirt. JOHN?? Yep he remembered. I ask him "Has he ever heard more crappy music in one place in his life". He replies "No we got to see The Flaming Lips last night" I think cool I've heard of them but the rock I live under has not allowed me to "hear" them. I also think of the fact that many of you would think how appropriate Jemaine went to see The Flaming Lips. As I walk away Jemaine asks "Hey you still want to do that interview right? " I say "If its cool and you got time sure, if not no big deal"

So they mix, they mingle. I take those pics that oddly enough make me a "god amongst men" when its usually only women around on the forums. If I had to choose between "god amongst men" or "high up on the chain of command of your superior being amongst women" give me the latter

Seems like the technical issue black cloud has really been following them around on their recent trip. Well it reared its ugly head for their first set. The sound techs were too busy on the "trendy central" stage to help out over at "Bob Dylan". They tried to get themselves going with not much assistance. I do recall Jemaine thanking their manager. This is exactly what we asked for. Get us a gig on a very small stage playing under a tent They struggled to get things going and finally thought they were ready. They were a few words into the first song when WWWWWYRRRRRWW (that would be bass feedback). Jemaine and Bret "WHOA" then chuckle. Well we think we'll just let these other folks go on and we'll be back in after they get done BOOOOOO HISSSS NOOOOOOO AWWWWWW The crowd is on the verge of a riot. Well at least some of us.

I show up just in time for the "next show" Amazingly in the very brief period of 35-40 minutes they've been rocketed up from "Bob Dylan" to "trendy central". They go on and mention their own amazement at their unbelievably fast move up the stagel yes stagel ladder. Wow just a little while ago we were there and now we're here. The main stage the main box awhile ago we were on the openning stage Jemaine has mic stand issues. Then they are ready. The stage hands are working behind them as they play since they are now on the "main trendy central" stage. They start with what I am assuming is a song called "Beautiful Girl" Oddly enough its pretty funny.hmmmm I really didn't expect that. After the song Jemaine makes the very astute observation of what was going on behind them as the played. They've managed to dismantle the drum kit and made an identicle one Mentions of raising the roof with Will Smith. Then oddly enough with Rick Moranis.

Then the introduction of The Humans Are Dead. Jemaine - "People are thinking "oh Flight of the Conchords how are you going to reap the benefits of your hit song if all the humans are dead?" (pause) "Good point." They play The Humans Are Dead and I must say the binary solo live in person is a thing of complete and utter numerals, mainly zeros and ones.

Next up is Business Time. There is a moment before Business Time that is priceless. I do have it on video and hopefully I will have it up before too long for you folkers to see. The moment gave birth to the great line from Jemaine. It was completely intentional and in no way embarrassing. Jemaine goofs a couple of times during Business Time which makes it even funnier. The 'I might got to bed I've got work in the morning' evolved into 'I might go to WORK (uh pause mmm) ......tomorrow??' Jemaine also goofed on the guitar right around the 'I'm so intense' line. Jemaine sings 'Its so intense it even uh aw blhe messed guitar riff'. So three songs and they are done.

I went up to Bret and Jemaine and told them I didn't think there would be able to top their first set. Jemaine was stunned at that fact too. Bret looked as if he never doubted it would happen all the while crossing his fingers. Lots of fans taking pics of and with them. The TV crew asked a handful of us to if we'd like to go out front to meet with the guys. So guess what?? We all left and said no thanks maybe next time but then we all came back as if it never happened. The TV people were extremely gracious. Bret and Jemaine did interviews with a couple from San Antonio, John and Shelly and their lovely baby first. It was around this time that Neil Young was sighted. Bret and one of the TV crew went down to see if they could make something happen but no luck. Then Deirdre and her very cool husband Seth. Its a big toss up for me of which moment was more priceless. The Pre-Business Time incident or this one. As I look on from left to right, its lovely Deirdre, Bret and Jemaine. Deirdre proceeds to show the boys what she carries in her little pocket book This is a picture of my oldest daughter (bend in for a closer look) this a picture of my youngest daughter (a little closer), this is a picture of Jemaine's lips. Its at this time Bret seemed to accomplish doing something that would seem totally impossible to do at the same time. In the shortest time span known to man he managed to slowly and ever so gently circumnavigate the aura of Jemaine and push him into his previous position next to Deirdre. Bret was cracking up and Jemaine stood there very near total silence blushing. I say very near because I could have sworn I heard Jemaines liver trying to move to the other side of his body. I could be wrong it might have been his pancreas. After the initial shock it was obvious that they were extremely flattered.

So there I stand watching all of this and Jemaine says "Oh we need to do the interview" I am a little stunned. I had planned on just doing one with the camcorder I borrowed but we had techinal issues and weren't able to do that. Jemaine said we should do it for the show. Bret didn't know I wasn't going to be asking serious questions and I think it threw him off a bit. I would get a snicker out of Jemaine and a confused look from Bret. I will say this this is how I wanted the questions to sound but I don't think they were quite this good. Also I'll give a little bit of what I remember from their responses. I am parasailing as the real journelist would say.

Here are the questions

Do you still have the mime guitar ?
Jemaine: Yes in fact I manufacture them. I've got a stack of them along with some mime guitar stands
Bret: For those of you who don't know when I first met Jemaine he was playing mime guitar

I know on at least more than one occasion you have been compared to The Beatles. Do you ever think there will come a day when you'd like that to happen more often ?
J: Uh um I was thinking sex
JP: Sex?
B: 10
JP to J: Did you say sex??
J: I was trying to say se-exsss. Six
JP to B: So you're hoping for double digits?
B: Yeah

Speaking of The Beatles in their early days they did a couple of songs in German. I know that when you do stuff like this somethings like subtle nuances get lost in the transition/translation. Since you guys are from New Zealand I was wondering if you've had this problem doing your act in English ?
J: *giggle*
B: You mean America
JP misunderstands B and thinks he says "American" as in "speak American you foreigner" but he said "America"
JP: Yes American,No English!!! (trying to recover)
J: He means English

This question was directed to Jemaine
The latest trend in Hollywood is the musical icon movies. Jamie Foxx as Ray Charles. Juaquin Phoenix as Johnny Cash in Walk the Line. Jemaine I've heard that you've been pegged to be the star in After the Lovin' The Englebert Humperdinck Story
J: Hahahaha well I'm not sure we're still working it out.
JP: So nothing definite yet?
J: Nope

To Bret
Since you've been in Texas have you had a chance to meet Willie Nelson ?
I was trying to get the whole question out and Bret found an openning and cut me off. Not rudely and remember Bret is still not sure what to make of me. I was actually joking not knowing if they would even know of Willie or had him on their agenda

B: Well wanted to but the only time was when we had a show scheduled so there wasn't any time.
JP: So he didn't have a chance to offer you anything?
B: No
JP: Do your taxes
B: No
J: Oh yeah he's had tax problems
JP: Yep had to make a couple of albums to pay off his taxes

I also gave Bret my Bob and Doug McKenzie album coincedently starring Rick Moranis.Weirdness but funny.

My friend Steve and I stayed around a little longer. I told Jemaine about the new little side project Neil Finn band I was asked to be a part of. I told him there were at least five Texans intelligent enough to think that Neil Finn was the poop. I asked about Neil being on the BBC show. He said they had never met before that and that Neil was contacted by someone invloved in the show and that he said he'd do it. Jemaine said he was looking forward to the Bic Runga tour and that Neil would be in her band. He also said he gets nervous knowing that Neil might be watching him play. I didn't talk as much with Bret as I did Jemaine but he was very cool when I did approach him. Well thats about it. It was great great fun and one of coolest things I've ever done next to sleeping past 3:00pm a couple of times.


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